Beerd Beekman
WH Statistics
Position God of Everything
Era Eternity
Faction Children of the Beerd
Furfag Status Unknown
Physical Statistics
Country The Promised Beerdland
Height Unknown
Age Unknown

Beerd Beekman (also known as The Beerd, Daddy, Our Savior, The Father, and The God of Everything) is the creator of reality and all existence as we know it. Blessed be the Beerd, and those who worship it.

The Beginning of Everything Edit

Beerd Beekman was born billions of years ago. Not much is known about Our Father's creation. The Beerd existed in nothingness and void. From beneath his feet, he sculpted land for his followers to walk upon. Within the sky above, he manifested the sun, so that his future followers could marvel upon his magnificent beard. Within the valleys, he conceived the water which flows across the Earth, so that he may tend to his beautiful hair.

Beerd was alone, in a world of his own design. No one but he could look upon his mighty strength and beard. Our Father then created all forms of life. The Beerd created Man for the sole purpose of worship. These early human beings were dubbed the 'First Children of the Beekman'.

The First Children of the Beekman Edit

Within his watchful eyes, we were guided. From under his mighty beard, we grew. Society took shape, and human beings lived prosperous lives. This ancient society is shrouded in mystery, however thanks to recent scholars, many core elements of these peoples' lives have revealed themselves. Beards were a vital part of Beekman culture. Respect often depended on the size and well-being of one's beard. Everyone was born with a beard from birth, and were taught to groom and grow it properly. If one were to lose their beard, somehow, it would be the highest form of humiliation. They would be excommunicated from society, and forced to live in hiding and shame for the rest of their lives. As such, to harm one's own or another's beard would be punishable by death. Great rituals would be held for days at a time, in which citizens would groom beards in praise of their great Father.


His Holiness displaying his incredible strength.

Strength was another aspect of Beekman culture. Our Father has incredible strength, and His Children wished to celebrate this. From a young age, citizens were groomed to value strength above all else. Children were not given toys, but weights. Toddlers had weights attached to their thighs to strengthen them. Akin to our own 'Super Bowl', great contests were held to seek out the strongest man in the land. These contests, which would be held in large arenas, would consist of contestants lifting, bending, and crushing heavy objects. If one were powerful enough to become the winner, their prize was to go up against the Beerd himself in a strength match. The Beerd had not ever lost, except for once.

If one were lucky enough to be blessed with both mighty strength and a large beard, they were likely to be regarded as a saint. Some of these saints were Kings and Queens as well. These saints were the only humans worthy of speaking to The Beerd. If it were not for their holy scriptures, this ancient culture would forever be lost.

The Shaven Ones Edit

Our Father had not gone without opposition. His glorious light created shadows, from these shadows spawned those who rebelled against him, spawning shadows in the hearts of his followers. Not much is known about these heathens, except for that many of them were outcasts from the Children of the Beekman who had destroyed their own beards in rebellion to His Holiness. These Shaven Ones were led by one man, who simply called himself Braun.


Randy Davis competing against Beerd Beekman.

Braun held a great hatred for The Beerd and his followers. He wanted to see the mighty empire crumble, and so he hatched his plan. Using ancient forbidden majyyks, Braun created a twisted replica of Our Father. Braun knew he could not match the strength of The Beerd, so he created another. This unholy abomination was known as Randy Davis. Upon hearing of these blasphemous events, war broke out between the First Children of the Beekman and the Shaven Ones. Beerd, surrounded by the mutilated bodies of his people, decided to put an end to the chaos.

Beerd challenged Randy Davis to one final strength contest. This act would be the final judgement of the holy war. The contest between Our Father and Randy Davis went on for days. At the end, however, Our Father was defeated. The evil clone with Beerd's powers, mixed with twisted majyyks, was too much to overcome. Bested, Beerd Beekman's glorious beard was reduced to only a small goatee. All humans born from that point on were not born with beards. Instead, they had to work in agony to grow their own. Ater his defeat, Our Father disappeared from his land, disgusted by the Children who rebelled from him.

The New Children of the Beekman Edit

The Way of the Beekman were not lost forever, however. To this day, there are those who worship this great man, Our Holy Father. Their worship is done in secret, and they have dubbed themselves The Children of the Beekman (TCotB), after the ancient ones. TCotB engage in worship on a daily basis. Growth of beards is unattended, as their facial hairs spread out wildly. Art is produced, in celebration of The Father.

After a millennium of waiting, The Father, one day, suddenly returned. This fortold reunion sparked great hope within TCotB, for Our Father is here. The heathens are to face retribution. Our years of worship are to be rewarded. The ancient evil of Randy Davis will be thwarted, but we cannot do it alone. Join The Children of the Beekman. Make Our Father proud. Blessed be the Beerd.

Gallery Edit