|Kel at his part-time job.|
|Faction||Los Angeles Pizza Hut East|
Kelbris was originally named Kel, before an accident involving a young emo and N64 led to him being horribly disfigured. Since that is ableist to say, I am regulated to say that he was 'Touched by an angel' or something.
Early Years Edit
Kel was a nerd who loved Zelda, just like you, but he was too poor to buy any video games himself, just like you. He had this dorky kid he knew in school a few grades below him who had a shit load of video games because he was spoiled, named Ben. The thing was, Ben had a freaky crush on Kel's brother, Jeff. Also, he came from a really freaky family. His mom weighed a shit ton and his dad was a cultist. It was worth it to play Majora's Mask, though.
One day he was just chilling by Ben's pool, playing his N64. Ben suddenly came running out of the house, attempting to drown himself in the pool. "Shit" Kel thought, " if the kid dies then I can't play his games anymore," so he jumped into the pool to save him. Unfortunately, Kel did not think to let go of the controller, which electrocuted both him and Ben. This caused Kel to gain a
horrible beautiful body, and also blew up the N64 (the cartridge survived, however.)
Kel missed his old body, but then he realized that his new one looked just like a monster from one of his favorite series. With this newfound confidence, he was able to move on, and renamed himself 'Kelbris' to be thematically 'reborn'.
No body loved him after that, because he was
ugly sexy. He struggled through his final years of high school, his only joy coming from Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut was his salvation, since they had delicious Pizza and did not judge based on appearances. He soon fell in love with one of his co-workers named Rosa. He liked her because she could see past his hideousness deliciousness. Many times some other dork named Ryukaki would order pizza, but then act like a total asshole towards Kelbris, pretending that he was some sort of 'monster' when he knocked on his door. Ryukaki was, in fact, correct a shitlord.
One day he went on a date with Rosa, for the first time ever. They were about to kiss over Pizza Hut pizza, when he softly sang to her, "When the moon hits your eye, like a sweet pizza pie, that's a-" suddenly he was cut off, as Ben's dad pushed his wife Luna, who was fat and painted like the moon, down a hill towards them. There was no where to run, as the huge woman rolled like a boulder towards him. They collided, which caused Kelbris's glasses to be broken. "MY EYES.... WHERE ARE..." he yelled, because he was too dumb to realize only his glasses were broke. "THAT'S FOR FUCKING UP MY N64 YOU SHIT. THAT WAS WORTH SOME LARGE DOLLARS." Ben's dad yelled.
No one ever found Rosa after that. Some speculate she still is trapped within Luna's fat rolls somewhere. Kelbris was devastated by his loss, and decided to enact revenge on Ben.
Kelbris discovered that his old friend BEN was still haunting the internet. He was pissed that the kid got to live in the internet, that was always Kelbris's dream. He remembered that Ben had a crush on his old brother, Jeff. Jeff had become some kind of serial killer since Ben had died. Kelbris thought it would have been great to get them hooked up, maybe Jeff could even kill the fucker twice.
Kelbris helped the two hook up, and they were an edgy spooky couple. He was horrified at first that they actually were happy together, but that did not last long. They broke up after BEN got an std or something. Jeff was devastated, and ran off to be a killer again. Kelbris was glad his plan worked, but was planning on Jeff to be the one that broke it with BEN. He was even more pissed at BEN than before, but there was nothing he could do. He decided to leave the past behind, and build upon the future. Sometimes letting go is all you can do.