Weenie-Licked is the tale of Paul Rudd and his attempt to save the land of Hubris.
Act 1 Edit
A 19 year old man named Paul Rudd is in his workplace, Meatouchers.Inc. His job is to place weenies on buns that appear in a small elevator shaft every so often. Paul finds this very tedious and boring, but makes it through the days with his love for meat. Suddenly, Crash breaks into is workplace. Crash shouts "BEAT MY MEAT" to Paul, and Paul takes this as an invitation to a duel. Crash is knocked out by Paul's SALAMI SLAMINI, and sent away on the elevator.
In the moonlight, Paul reflects on his lonely, tedious life. He has been trapped within his workplace for 10 years without any human contact. He prays to two Gods that his mother told him about long ago, Cheezus and Beerd Beekman. Paul discovers that praying to Gods is one of his main skills, and is granted The Key to the Arg (which he promptly throws out the window) and the Bionic Brottknocker. With this new tool, he is able to finally open the door in his workplace, which leads to a living quarters that has been taken over by Mugen. Mugen has apparently been watching Paul for a long time, and after a short argument, attacks him. Paul is able to steal Mugen's time travel machine, the Shardis, and escapes to a different universe named Hubris. Paul finds himself in Spanosa's Castle, the capitol of the fallen Within Hubris Empire.
Paul is appointed a guide by Beerd Beekman, who looks like a tiny fairy in a cat mask. The guide explains that Hubris has recently fallen into darkness, and requires Paul's help. He explains that Paul must find an ancient artifact hidden deep within the castle somewhere. To help him on this quest, Paul draws up two companions with a magical marker: Mini-Crash and Lord Big Hank Douglas IV. On his trek, Paul destorys part of the castle. The resulting tremors remind him of his father, who is very intimidating. Paul comes across two survivors in the castle named Chuckles and Jeffory. They explain that the Universe of Hubris was created as a battleground against a powerful ghost named BEN, and that Paul is from a completely different universe alltogether. They also explain the tale of Jadusable, how he was once a leader of BEN's opposition, but mysteriously dissappeared a few years ago. He goes on to say how after Hubris fell into darkness recently, most of the population fled to other universes by the aid of the Shardis.
Jeffory is quite taken with Paul, and joins his quest as an official sidekick. Soon after, they find a mysterious button on the wall that summons something called the YK-BOT, a robot designed to cause drama. The bot insults weenies, and Paul goes beserk. Satisfied with a job well done, the YK-BOT leaves. Shortly after, Paul decides he needs a waifu, and draws one up. She has a southern accent, and is named Rosey. Paul quickly renames her COC (Crony Of Cuteness). In the next room, some writing mysteriously appears on the wall behind Paul, instructing him to summon two Gods, Brotherman Bill and Fuccboi Fill. Since both beings are opposites, and incredibly powerful, they fuse together in a great flash, leaving behind a small orb full of godly power. Paul's guide appears, and berates him for drawing living, sentient beings, saying it's a bad idea.
Paul soon gets a taste of this when COC shows that her only current reason for existing is to love Paul, and has no dreams or purpose of her own. After descending farther into the Castle, Paul finally comes across the treasure he was looking for: Majora's Mask. However, taking the mask activates Robo-Dash, the castle's security system. Robo-Dash attacks, but they are saved by Mini-Crash's magical barrier. Paul uses the power from the orb created by Brotherman Bill and Fuccboi Fill to gain godly powers briefly, giving him just enough time to knock out Robo-Dash. After suplexing a giant pony, the lift below Paul takes the both of them to the surface. Outside, Paul is distracted by the Blue Moon while Robo-Dash flies off into the sky. Soon after, Robo-Dash flies back down, knocking Paul into the Mess Hall, ruining a giant portrait of Beerd Beekman. The gash in the painting goes straight through the ocean depicted, and within the canvas is shown some cryptic writings. Robo-Dash flies back into the sky, as Paul meets up with Jeffory outside.
Jeffory tells Paul that Robo-Dash is about to divebomb the castle, killing them all. Paul orders Jeffory to evacuate everyone into the Shardis and escape. Meanwhile, COC comes across a mysterious girl who calls herself Umbra. She tells COC that in order to gain Paul's love, she must first respect herself and become someone. Umbra tells her that at a later date she will be put through a series of tests to make this possible, then vanishes. Paul manages to round up COC, Jeffory, and Chuckles, sending them into the Shardis. Right as this happens, Mugen finally breaks back into the Shardis, locking the door to Hubris. This leaves Paul, Douglas, and Mini-Crash with no escape. They are forced to jump into the ocean, but before they can do so, a bright light engulfs them as they are teleported away.
We cut back to Real Crash's perspective as she talkes to someone over the phone. She reveals that her current voluptuous look is not her real one, and that she was searching for Paul for the sake of Hubris. She laments that Mugen got to him first, but deals with it, as he's going to Hubris either way. She then states that she will teleport Paul back to her at a later date. We then see a man in Hubris watch Robo-Dash destroy the Castle of Spanosa.
Intermission 1 Edit
We open with an excerpt of Zelenal's diary, describing a strange portal that appeard in the Pony Sanctuary. Spanosa asked him to examine it, and he discovered that it indeed led to another Universe, the Universe of Equestria. We then shift views to a different Universe: the Universe of Hyrule. The year is 1998. A young man named Abram Aydan lives with his two roommates, David McDonnell and Kyle Bristles. In the Universe of Hyrule, or just Hyrule, everyone celebrates the ancient tales of the hero named Link. Abram loves these stories too, especially the one that takes place in Termina (this tale being the story we know as the game Majora's Mask). Abram has such a passion for this story that he creates a fanclub for it with his roomies. The club is incredibly small, the only current known members being Abram, Kyle, David, and Spencer, a child who is incredibly tech savvy and sassy.
Abram digs around in the trash and finds his old robotic red fairy, Fred. Fred was named the CRIMSON SHIP 4000 originally, and has many uses. Before Abram can head out, he discovers that Kyle has left him a note. Kyle has forced Abram into a set of challenges to test whether or not he really is as great an explorer as he boasts. One of these challenges is a large hole where the stairs should be. Abram is too lazy to do the challenge the way Kyle expected him to, so he instead prays to Cheezus. For some reason, this actually works, despite Cheezus being from a different universe and time, and Abram is able to cross the gap. He also defaces one of Kyle's posters, and hides it away for later.
After escaping from the basement, Abram downs a ton of Miracle Pills. This causes him to hallucinate that his butcher knife is talking to him, telling him of some kind of 'children' in trouble. In his craze, Abram cuts off his fingers on his right hand before passing out. When he wakes up, he discovers that Fred has made sausage. And also given him robotic fingers. Abram thinks this looks neato, and prays to Cheezus for a matching eyepatech to complete the look. For whatever reason though, Cheezus does not respond. He instead makes his own eyepatch out of leaves, and continues on to the dungeon that he has been exploring. On his way, he passes by a large quarry containing a huge Transmutatron 2000, a device that can craft multiple items together.
Abram reaches the dungeon, and makes his way to the back. He is able to overcome the final obstacle, a large door with ancient Hylian writing on it. Inside he finds a corpse wielding Majora's Mask.
Act 2 Edit
We open with Zelenal's first report on the Universal Portal within the Pony Sanctuary. Zelenal describes two different types of Universes: Original (where a universe was created by a god/gods with an original idea) and Offshoot (where a large number of people in a universe gained a unique enough identity and purpose to create another universe). Zelenal describes universes and communities or fandoms, and special means are needed to travel between them. We cut to Amy Adams, a 19 year old girl in Paul's Universe. She lives in the Bunker created by VG-Inc. This Bunker was used by the Vegetarians in the war between them and the Meat Lovers long ago. They are old that those in the Bunker are the only survivors.
Paul's Universe Edit
Paul Rudd: The protagonist, an employee of Meatouchers, Inc., and the savior of Hubris.
Mr. Rudd: Paul's dad.
Amy Adams: Protagonist. Lives in VG-Inc.
Ms. Adams: Amy's mother.
Universe of Hubris Edit
Crash: The local fuckboy, currently located in an elevator shaft.
Mugen Kagemaru: A mysterious hooded elfen asshole. Owner of the SHARDIS.
Dawn of a New Day: The motherfucking sun.
Spanosa: The Emperor of the Within Hubris Empire. Currently missing.
Sol: The Royal Artist mentioned under Spanosa's portrait.
Cat Fairy Guide: Beerd Beekman's servant. Not Guide.
Mini-Crash: Miniature version of Crash, based on Paul's memory. She has a robotic arm and speaks in reverse.
Lord Big Hank Douglas IV: A miniature recreation of Paul's childhood pet.
William S.: Mentioned on the bulletin board's Pizza Party list. Currently missing.
Niv-Mizzet: Head of the Space Marines department. Currently missing.
Wolfcat: Head of Pony Regulations. Currently missing.
KidPichu: Head of Covert Ops. Currently missing.
Chuckles: The Royal Guard. He seems insane, having survived since the fall of Hubris with Jeffory.
Jeffory: Paul's biggest fan and roadie. He survived with Chuckles after Hubris went to shit.
BEN: A digital manifestation of a child's evil spirit. Is most likely responsible for the disappearance of Jadusable.
Jadusable: The first documented owner of the Haunted Cartridge and the founder of Within Hubris.
Soul Limiter: The Disaster Tracker. Not much is known about him. Currently missing.
ARGdov: Cock Master [sic]. Most definitely homosexual. Currently missing.
Universe of Hyrule Edit
Abram Aydan: A disturbed young man who runs a fanclub.
Kyle Bristles: Abram's friend. Is quite childish, but looks up to Abram.
David McDonnell: Abram's friend. Others find him intimidating and abrasive.
Prayer: Pray to a God for various effects.
- Beerd Beekman - Receive the aid of a holy messenger.
- Cheezus - Receive a holy boon.
- David Bowie - Have your wounds and illnesses healed.
- Based God Lil B - Temporary confidence boost from swag.
- Lanky Kong - Extend your arms in holy light.
- Ariesus - ???
Pony Toss: Throw a pony at something.
- Pegasus - Object is sent farther than normal.
- Unicorn - Object erupts into flames while midair.
- Earth Pony - Object has extra knockback on the target.